So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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