It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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