We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
