no, he came in my armpit
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
