So gin and wine won't be happening again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
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