We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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