This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
