So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
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