she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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