Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Randomize
