as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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