Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Randomize
