im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
PANTIES FOUND
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