just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
