He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Randomize
