Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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