felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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