Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
