His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
