When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
