that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
