Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
