there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
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OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
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I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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