Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
