I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
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P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
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It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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