The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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