I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
