i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
