I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You are the jesus of drinking
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
