Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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