when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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