I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
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Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
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Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
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