If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
