I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
