SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
