He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
