I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
