my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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