I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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