Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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