After last night, I could never be a politician.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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