The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
