I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
