You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
The air was thick with penises
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
