WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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