there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Randomize
