you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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