I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Randomize
