I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
