I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
