But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
