It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
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In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
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I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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