I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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