he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Randomize