Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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