I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
