U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
