god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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