I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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